Diary of the Almost-Graduate

eyts - ti - em - el !

2005-06-13T04:06:00.000+08:00

Finally, all the free time I have been spending in front of the computer paid off. The link below is the fruit of my self-study on html and css:

http://patopat.blogspot.com

At the speed of thought

2005-06-07T03:16:00.000+08:00

Maganda pala talaga ang mga matang bagong iyak.

***

Bamboo's sophomore album is set to hit the record stores on June 7! Halleluiah!

***

Teka... How in the world will I be able to grab a copy of that album? I'm in the middle of an American suburb! Probinsya. Where the wind blows over vast expanses of green, green grass. Gah.

***

Ang sarap talaga ng Cheerios and milk with peanut butter. Tuloy, biglang naging breakfast person ako. Yum.

2005-06-05T12:26:00.000+08:00

12:28 pm > Just got home from our distant relatives' place in Apopka. *family gathering ulit*

Family gathering. Agh. It feels weird everytime I say that. For me, all that ever happens in a "family gathering" here is an exchange of his and goodbyes. To act buddy-buddy with relatives who are complete strangers is a tricky and complicated business. Lalo na kung yung relatives ay foreigners. I have no clue on what their family codes and rituals are. I know nothing 'bout those. Nil. Zilch. Zero.

And so one might wonder what I usually do on these gatherings. Well, I am left with very few options:

Magpaka-high sa Coke classic (or any soda available), since I'm not yet allowed to drink alcohol. Pero syempre I try to go easy on the caffeine drinks, para naman makakuha pa ako ng konting tulog.
Tumitig sa kawalan, with a silly smile plastered on my face. That way, the hosts will NOT think that I am being bored out of my wits.
Eat, eat and eat. This is easy to do, 'cause the food served is always tastes great. Plus, eating takes up a lot of time (esp. for a slow-chewer like me)... Di bale na kung ma-empacho.

Ayan. Buti na lang kanina, nandun din yung 2-yr old kong tito... Little EJ!!! I baby-sitted him for the entire night, which wasn't a bad way to kill time. :)

more tomorrow...

late night with patopat

2005-06-02T10:42:00.000+08:00

e2, nsa tapat n naman ng computer... working on this blog... this is all i seem to do to keep myself occupied nowadays... listening to 99.5 rt... buti n lang i can access philippine radio stations online...

we went to valencia community college kaninang hapon to find out if i could apply for their summer course... di pwede sbi ni ms. maria gama... she was a very nice and helpful lady... oh well, i suppose it's a part of her job to be nice and friendly and helpful... sbi nya i have to wait for 4 mos before i could apply as an international student... sayangs and sanas all around... sna n-enroll ako sa univ before coming here... coz if i do stay here and study as an international student, we'll have to pay three times the original price of the enrollment fee...

hay... ang gulo... d naman ako pede umuwi... m only 16... undecided kmi lahat d2...

oh well...

i guess i'll still live after this...

note: pardon the txt-spelling... m tired... my eyes hurt... i'm tired.

2005-05-31T08:33:00.000+08:00

Does a nationalistic Filipino really exist? I've given this question much thought. Three years ago, I was a trying hard Am-girl who labelled anything Filipino as baduy. Then, we migrated here in the States and I changed dramatically. I reufsed to speak in English. I shunned my parents' reminders about adapting the American culture.

Once there lived an eccentric giraffe. What was so odd about her, you ask? In
the herd of giraffe where she belonged, she was among the few that had lighter,
fairer spots. However, what made her queer was that she had such a liking for
the zebra's black stripes.

Everyday, she went to the baboons so they
could paint her with coal and white paste. It was a slow and arduous task. Many
months did it take the baboons to complete it. The giraffe grew impatient with
time.

Finally, when the baboons had painted on the finishing touches,
the giraffe cried with joy. She was more than eager to see her transformation.
Thus, she headed to the clearest lake, a hundred miles from where her herd
lived. Now, it so happened that the lake was also where the zebras grazed.
Amused by the coincidence, the giraffe exclaimed, "What luck! How easily I shall
blend in with these zebras!"

As she slightly bent down to gaze at the
waters, she felt a heavy lump form on her throat. What she saw was this: A very
tall striped creature stood out in the herd of zebras. It was like an irregular
piece that did not fit in the picture.

Teardrops fell on the surface of
the lake. Realizing what she had done to herself, the giraffe hung her head in
remorse. She could not go back to her herd, nor could she blend in with the
zebras. In the mossy bark of a tree nearby, she began to scrape off the painted
stripes.

Is this authentic nationalism? Or do I feel like going back because in the Philippines, I belonged to the upper middle class? Do I geniunely love the country of my origin or am I simply afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone? If I were from an average Filipino household, would I still dream of going back?

I fear that last question, since I am in no position to answer yes. I am 16, brimming with idealism and blissfully ignorant of what the elders call hirap ng buhay.

My father has always said that "Poverty should never be romanticized. Kaya mahirap ang tawag sa mahirap--dahil mahirap ang buhay nila. There's nothing glorious about being poor." Perhaps I ought to keep his words in mind. That is--until the day that the fine line between homesickness and nationalism becomes clear to me.

Tanong lang po...

2005-05-30T13:15:00.000+08:00

I asked this question in an iateneo forum... and I got an in-depth answer and analysis from shai.lagarde (You go girl!)

Grass is always greener on the other side... why?

Optical and perceptual laws alone will make the grass at a distance look greener to the human eye than the blades of grass perpendicular to the ground. The "truth" of this metaphorical proverb can, of course, also be observed often enough in the countryside when a cow or a horse is trying to get at that juicy green grass just on the other side of the fence. And since people are equally dissatisfied with their lot in life, it should not surprise anyone that a modern psychologist has spoken of "the 'greener grass' phenomenon" by which modern individuals continually evaluate supposedly better alternatives for themselves.

The proverb thus expresses a basic behavioral truth in a rather universal metaphor - after all, grass and fences aren't exactly anything new.

The renowned Oxford Dictionary of English Proverbs (1970) does not even have a separate entry for the proverb "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence". Instead it lists the Latin proverb "Fertilior seges est alieno semper in arvo" cited by Erasmus of Rotterdam which was published in English translation by Richard Taverner in 1545 as "The corne in an other mans ground semeth euer more fertyll and plentifull then doth oure owne" (the corn in another man's ground sees ever more fertile and plentiful than does our own). While this proverb gained some currency in the 16th and 17th centuries, it is not in common use any longer. But the editor of this proverb collection is of the opinion that it might be an early precursor of the "grass is always greener" proverb, for he lists Hugh and Margaret Williams' play with the title The Grass is Greener (1959) with the addition of "[on] the other side of the hedge" as a modern variant. While the idea of the two proverbs is clearly similar, it is certainly questionable to consider the "grass" text as a variant of the earlier proverb.

There are some other proverbs with the same meaning that come to mind as possible precursors as well. There is the proverb "Hills are (look) green (blue) far away" that was recorded as early as 1887 and continues to be in use in a number of variants to the present day. The same is true for the proverb "Distant pastures always look greener" which dates back at least to 1936. The proverb "Distant fields look greener" was recorded by field researchers between 1945 and 1980, and Muriel Hughes registered the proverb "Cows prefer the grass on the other side of the fence" in 1960 in Vermont. These texts contain at least some elements of the proverb under discussion, as for example the color green, the grass, or the fence. While the first text predates the earliest citation of the "grass is always greener" proverb, all the others are actually of a later date and could be considered variants of that very proverb.

from info.utas.edu.au

Sabi nga ni Sebastian (The Little Mermaid)"The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake."

Shai: Before I answer, share ko lang lyrics ng As Told By Ginger by Macy Gray...

Someone once told me
The grass is much greener
On the other side
And I paid a visit
(Well, it's possible I missed it)
It seemed different,
Yet exactly the same
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
'Til further notice,
I'm in-between
From where I'm standing,
My grass is green
Someone once told me
The grass is much greener
On the other side.

Detour

2005-05-25T22:30:00.000+08:00

Why did I have to be a whiny, unpatriotic brat? It's all my fault. The die is cast and now I'm finding it very difficult to get out of this mess.

Why couldn't I have just endured high school sans complaints? Life was pretty sweet, if not great, back home. Frequents visits to malls, a slot in the university of my choice, the best family and friends in the whole world---I had it all. Well, I used to have it all. Now there's just one big and drastic detour in my life.

Needless to say, my dreamy future plans are ruined. G-O-N-E.

This experience has proven, among many other things, that I am a certified weirdo. Almost the entire Filipino population has made huge measures in order to live here; some even resorting to TnT. I, on the other hand, am dying to go back. What can I do? I've lived there for as long as I can remember... the whole 16 years of my life. I miss HOME.

Anyway, I had the freakiest dream last night. Someone was out to get me! Bangungot, no doubt about that. I awoke form my deep slumber feeling like high doses of caffeine had been injected into my system. Scary.

After a series of unfortunate tossing and turning, I finally got to sleep. Then came Dream No. 2, which is way different from the first. There, I was the girlfriend of this lead singer of a popular OPM band. Yes, he was my boo! We were enjoying each others company... being goofballs and laughing our heads off. It was hilarous! Of course I'm not putting his name here, for fear of being perpetually mocked by frenemies!!! Hahaha. No, there wasn't any hugging or making out! My dreams are, at most, rated PG-13 for your info. *sigh* I have dreams like that on such rare occasions, when my teeny-bopper subconscious runs loose. I am going to stop writing here before I put something stupid like, "I wish I had feel-good dreams every day," in here. We all know perfectly well: What makes those dreams great is that they only come once in a blue moon.

That's all for now, I guess. Pat is signing off... -_-

'Sup! Deep stuff.

2005-05-18T15:30:00.000+08:00

Hey Pat, how was your day?

> OK lang. Nothing wow about it... Just a day, just an ordinary day. I must have swept the floor a hundred times today. I'm having a love affair with our broom (shhh! Secret lang ha?)

Oh yeah?

> Yup. There's always something comforting in sweeping a dusty kitchen or a leaf-spewn lawn. Once I have the broom in my hand, I feel in control. It's a symbolic thing for me. Let me tell you why...
Sweeping is a coping mechanism. Sure, I can't clean up all the mess I'm in at the moment. I can't fix all the problems I have, I can't solve my personal conflicts right now and I can't get rid of the trash real life brings (sometimes).
But I can get the dirt out of this kitchen floor. I can start with this and work my way to the harder stuff later, when I'm stronger - when I'm brave enough to deal with my troubles. When that time comes, I'll abandon the broom. I will take the risk of falling flat on my face and failing big-time.
Until then, I will be with my broom, waiting.

Pagkabagot, Lessons in

2005-05-18T11:08:00.000+08:00

Lesson 1: Pagkabagot (I don't really know the Tagalog equivalent for this word) is the by-product of being stuck in a useless, boring rut. It is characterized by feelings of angst, absent-mindedness and depression. The following changes in pagkabagot patient can be observed:

The basic three meals (breakfast, lunch and dinner) are the main highlights of her day. I'm not quite sure if this is only an over-eager anticipation for food (like, Hey I have transformed myself into a food-freak overnight!) Moreover, she has sudden cravings for food during random parts of the day. She nibbles on cheese crackers or Cheerios just a few minutes after having a heavy lunch.
She loses interest in her usual hobbies. She finds that staring into space is a much better way to waste a full afternoon.
The ghost of Martha Stewart takes over her!!! In short, sinasapian. She experiences an unexplainable compulsion to do house chores. She tries her hand at cooking, sweeps the floor every 10 minutes and dusts off everything she could get her on... All these things, she hasn't done before, take note. Surprisingly, she does it now with the flair of an expert DH.

More later...

Last Song Syndrome

2005-05-12T17:28:00.000+08:00

I love these guys... and their music, of course. The lyrics of their songs (esp. the one below ^ ^) are simply... there's no other word for it... beautiful.

Gemini ~ Spongecola

come a little closer
flicker in flight
we'll have about an inch of space
but i'm here i can breathe in
what you breathe out

let me know if i'm doing this right
let me know if my grip's too tight
let me know if i can stay all of my life
let me know if dreams can come true
let me know if this one's your's too
coz' i see it
and i feel it right here
and i feel you right here

the vacuous night
steps aside to give meaning
to gemini's dreaming
the moon on its back
and the seemingly
veiled room's lit
by the same star

Hoy... Pinoy ako!

2005-05-11T11:33:00.000+08:00

Ngayon ko lang na-realize na masarap palang maging Pinoy. Kakaiba ang mga Pinoy... Walang katulad. Siguro maraming nagsasabi na isa tayong messed-up race, di malaman kung ano talaga ang culture na sa atin kasi halo-halo na: Asian, Spanish, American, Chinese and a little Japanese. Pero astig pa rin tayo at nakakatuwa. Ibang-iba, na pag nilagay sa isang crowd e siguradong namumukod-tangi.

Madami na akong nami-miss: ang halo-halo, jeepneys at tricycles, MMDA (mga mamang nagtatago sa likod ng poste), maiingay na kapitbahay, mga novelty songs na sobrang nakakainis to the point na matatawa ka na lang at mapapailing pag narinig mo, ang traffic, SM, malalaking billboard, maduduming kalye, ang Manila, UP, UST, ADMU *tulo luha*, MTV Pilipinas (ayos!), ang mga 'stigin na bands and OPM singers, text messaging, unlimited text... at pwede ko bang makalimutan ang family and friends ko? Hm, di yata! Ciempre kahit magala-globetrekker ako, di na ko sila mahahanap kahit saang lugar. Only in da Philippines.

Ang hirap talaga pag biglang na-realize mo na masaya ka na pala sa buhay mo dati, pinagpalit mo pa. Nakakalungkot kasi alam mo, kahit mag-wish ka sa kung ilang mang shooting stars, hindi mo pwedeng i-rewind lahat. Kasi walang "scene selection" o rewind o fast-forward ang life, play lang.

Cliche, I know, but it's true. And the sad part is that we keep on forgetting that fact. :'c

Music, baby.

2005-05-09T22:13:00.000+08:00

Musical influences.

I don't know how some teenagers possess one big virtual encyclopedia of musical influences. They talk and listen to the BIG GUYS in music - Bob Marley, Dave Matthews, Sting and other singers I've never heard of before. It's like they belong to an elite society, an club exclusively for audiophiles. Hard-core audiophiles of the kind who smirk at any Hilary Duff fan. Now, the thing that puzzles me is that every time I turn on the radio, I don't hear any of the so-called real music they listen to. Sure, there are the latest hits, country ditties, songs from the 80's, old songs, trashy pop-rock... But I don't recall having heard the really good songs. How do they get hold of all the good stuff?!

OK, OK, I admit that I want to be part of the audiophile club. I want to have MUSICAL INFLUENCES... Music that defines me. Music that defines who I am. Lately, I've been figuring out about how I could find that kind of music.

During our flight to Fl., I was tuned in to Club Continental... the in-flight station that has the latest and best dance and house musictracks. Yep, I'm leaning towards Clubbin' music. I'll start with that I guess. ;)

Intro

2005-05-06T16:46:00.000+08:00

Hm... It's been a while since I last updated this... Time to start anew.

Just so everyone knows, this is my fourth blog. Whatever happened to other three before this? Well, let me put it like this: They're somewhere in the vast WWW, rotting away... which is another way of saying, Yeah they're gone now. Not really gone, but I haven't been able to update them for a long LONG time. All three of them have 4 or 5 entries only (and the entries are rather short, too). But hey, I could keep this blog as up-to-date as possible for all my high school friends (miss you guys *sob*), frenemies (HAHA!), and strangers who are simply looking for an interesting read.

Siguro by now, nakahalata na kayo 'no? Yup, I tend to ramble and ramble on... Can't help beating 'round the bush... Can't always get my point straight. Oh well, sakit ko yun. I don't want to offend anyone with my words... Dad says I'm just soooo DIPLOMATIC, that's why. Hah! You know what I think? Diplomatic people (yeah, including the one writing this ^ ^) always APPEAR to be polite and tactful but in fact, they're NOT. They just have a way with picking the right words... Choosing the "correct" responses... you know *smirk*. So next time you meet a diplomat (or me for that matter), learn how to read between the lines!!! You might be surprised upon finding out what they ACTUALLY mean! Haha. ^ ^

Hold on a sec... Ah yes, the real purpose of this entry: the Intro! Just the sight of that word makes me recall the familiar slumbook line: DESCRIBE YOURSELF.
Hm. It turns out that 7 yrs of answering slumbooks hasn't helped me one bit. I still find it hard to describe myself. Perhaps it's for the simple reason that there really isn't much to say. 16 year old girl, trying to make it as a prolific writer. Just graduated from high school. Smart? Not sure 'bout that, as I'm an absent-minded freak... Quite a scatterbrain too. Maybe, wise but weird. Passed all my entrance exams, but my future's so... FOGGY. It has a ton of uncertainties ('kada ko, you all know what I mean by this Y_Y). In the near future I will be jotting a lot of stuff about this matter so keep posted... kumbaga, subaybayan ang susunod na kabanata! Ahahaha!
Parabang telenovela?

Got to go now. I have to go face my uncertain future... and the put an end to the brief life of my Grandma's pasta!!! HWAHAHAHA! Ja. ;)

The search is on

2005-03-22T10:52:00.000+08:00

... for the perfect clamshell phone!!! Yesterday, Ma and Di asked me the all-too-important question for the fresh graduate... 'Nak, ano ba gusto mong graduation gift? To which I replied, "Di ko pa alam. Give me time to think."

I could only think of 2 choices: an MP3 player or a new cellphone. Since I know very little about how an MP3 player works, I picked choice number 2. So began the search for the perfect clamshell phone.

Why the clamshell-type of phone? Because the ordinary Nokia phones are already typical and almost boring. I'm sure a lot of people agree with me on that.

Now if anyone would be so kind enough to make a suggestion on what cellphone unit I should get. :)

GRADUATION DAY

2005-03-20T08:57:00.000+08:00

It's all over... the 4 tedious years of high school, that is. I'm nowhere near to feeling sad or nostalgic. Maybe I'll miss my friends, my wacky classmates... then again, maybe I won't. After all, I have been waiting for graduation day since the day I entered high school.

I am ready to move on. Maybe. No more tears.

the Ateneo Meets the Almost-Graduate

2005-03-09T08:00:00.000+08:00

I attended the Open House for Humanities students last March 5. I was so awestruck by everything about the Ateneo--the buildings, my batchmates, the professors, the curriculum... Wow. Going there was a one-of-a-kind experience. I met a lot of wonderfully weird people, the kind that I thought only existed in books or in my mind. It felt surreal but real.

After the brief orientation in the Rizal Auditorium, we were divided into groups, depending on our courses. My group (Lit. Eng.) headed for the Teachers' Lounge, 1/f in H. dela Costa Bldng, where we had another orientation about the course curriculum. I found myself utterly dazed again.

My college life is going to be special. Imagine, I will be studying great books for 4 years. Plus, I get to hang out with intellectuals and Bohemians everyday until graduation. Wow.

Last few days...

2005-03-02T17:48:00.000+08:00

Final exams were finally over. Got high scores? Not sure, but I survived Sir Cajanding's bloody Physics test so I'm good.

I'm not a very hectic person. Really. After the exams, I felt like I had all the time in the world to do anything I wanted. Lots of free time for me.

6:45 pm. Got home and saw a letter from the Ateneo. It was dated Feb. 18... (Just realized how lousy the postal system here in the Philippines is) The university is holding a sort of orientation for college freshmen on 3 days from now. That's March 5, my Dad's birthday, the day for student-parent recollection in school,the day for my 2-hour piano lessons, and the day for college orientation.

Dad will probably be celebrating his birthday at home. The recollection, I think I'll manage to skip that (despite my religion teacher's threat of not signing my clearance), but the other 2... I simply can't.

SOMEONE CARE TO TELL ME HOW I'M SUPPOSED TO BE IN FOUR PLACES AT THE SAME TIME?

Geez, why do these things keep happening to me? WHH-HHY?

When I was 15...

2005-02-12T17:29:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

Today I received chocolates from someone else---for the first time. It was a little heart-shaped chocolate in a heart-shaped piece of plastic. It came from... Now where did it come from? Oh yes, if I remember it right, it was from a very guy-looking girl, a first year student! How wonderful! I simply can't tell you how excited I am as I type these words...

Yours truly,
Tricia

HAH!

ANNOUNCEMENT: As of 10:45 pm on this day, February 11 in the year 2005, Romance is officially dead. I choked it with the chocolate heart and brutally slayed it with the jagged shards of my shattered heart.

Annual Thingy

2005-02-07T18:05:00.000+08:00

A little sumthin-sumthing for our year book...

The fondest dream I have is... to stroll down the streets of the Ivy League Chain (someday) and see my first book displayed on a store window.

The coolest thing about being an HSAian is... you get a lot of embarrassing experiences. And the amazing thing is, you actually live to tell your high school horror stories. :p

The most outrageous thing I've ever done is... cheat in my Filipino subject (no elaboration required).

The best lesson I've learned in school is... something I learned not by reading textbooks, but through experience:
Learning is a tough process. It takes hard work and sheer willpower. =)

Before Prom Night

2005-02-02T09:41:00.000+08:00

Wednesday...
Status: Suffering from an unexpected flu attack

Prom's on Friday night. I'm not just talking about any school event... The prom is:
1. The Junior-Senior turnover ceremony
2. The time of the year when we can ditch our boring uniforms
3. Um... the first-ever prom I will be attending!!!

Agh... I don't know if I should feel excited or horrified about this. I have heard a lot prom horror stories... and I'm beginning to have this theory that the prom is fun only to those who have dates. Seriously.

There's also something worse that has been bothering me for the past few days. I DON'T DANCE. I stopped dancing the day I learned that some unlucky people aren't born with natural grace. I happen to be one of them. Blame it on my very baaad sense of timing and my lack of hand-feet coordination. u.u

Something tells me I should stop contemplating on these thoughts or I'll go mental. Not kidding.

Meet the Almost-Grad

2005-01-31T17:57:00.000+08:00

Yup, barely 2 months to go before I leave high school... and get the chance to walk up that stage. Hay...

I won't be all sentimental and puffy-eyed before THE Big Day comes. Haha. After all, COLLEGE sounds fun. I think we're excited to study in a university and stride down vast corridors like true grown-ups. Or explore the sprawling campus grounds. I mean, come on! There IS a major difference between a local high school and a university in Manila, right? O_o

Small-town girl in the big city... Whoopee.